{"id":507533,"date":"2024-11-03T19:36:32","date_gmt":"2024-11-04T03:36:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/?p=507533"},"modified":"2026-02-12T17:18:36","modified_gmt":"2026-02-13T01:18:36","slug":"no-we-dont-all-have-the-same-24-hours-in-a-day-on-chronic-pain-and-freelancing-in-an-unreliable-body","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/2024\/11\/03\/no-we-dont-all-have-the-same-24-hours-in-a-day-on-chronic-pain-and-freelancing-in-an-unreliable-body\/","title":{"rendered":"No, we don\u2019t all have the same 24 hours in a day: On chronic pain and freelancing in an unreliable body"},"content":{"rendered":"

No, we don\u2019t all have the same 24 hours in a day: On chronic pain and freelancing in an unreliable body<\/strong><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anna Hamilton<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

One of the (supposedly) hot tips for creative people is that \u201cwe all have the same 24 hours in a day.\u201d From bizarre <\/span>LinkedIn posts<\/span><\/a> to <\/span>rich person fuckups during<\/span><\/a> television interviews<\/span>, this motivational chestnut is <\/span>everywhere<\/span><\/i> to the point of oversaturation. What the well-meaning hustle culture types who say this don\u2019t tell you\u2014or don\u2019t believe, because why wouldn\u2019t they–is that it is <\/span>not true<\/span><\/i>. Maybe the people who can\u2019t devote time to their dream projects or side hustles are simply too exhausted from eight-plus hours at their day job. Maybe they have kids whose needs come first, and little to no help with childcare. Maybe, like me, they can\u2019t count on their bodies being pain-free or energized enough to be productive for the bulk of those 24 hours.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I know this because I have a body that does not match up to my level of ambition. I would love to \u201cfollow my passion\u201d but some days being able to shower is an epic achievement in itself. In trying to be an <\/span>actual<\/span><\/i> writer<\/span><\/i>, I am regularly thwarted by chronic pain and fatigue due to fibromyalgia bullshit expectations of what it means to be a writer.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had fibromyalgia for almost twenty years.\u00a0 It is one of those \u201cmysterious\u201d health problems that can seem, from the outside, like something that is not a huge deal; its main symptoms are widespread muscle pain and chronic fatigue. Some people–including <\/span>conservative goblin and former U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions<\/span><\/a>–might think that \u201cwidespread muscle pain\u201d means that I should take some ibuprofen and just get on with things.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If only it was that easy. My fibromyalgia pain sometimes feels like the intense pain that some people experience after they work out too hard, but without any sense of accomplishment. Or it feels like I\u2019m being squashed by a giant foot, <\/span>Monty<\/span><\/i> Python<\/span><\/i> opening credits-style. My pain isn\u2019t \u201cweakness leaving the body,\u201d as the fitness bro slogan goes\u2014it\u2019s just <\/span>there<\/span><\/i>. I experience muscle pain nearly all of the time\u2014in varying degrees of severity–plus I get chronic fatigue episodes every few weeks. It is not fun.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Also not fun: trying to build my platform as a freelance writer <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> take care of myself at the same time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are a lot of times that I can\u2019t help comparing what I <\/span>am<\/span><\/i> doing to what I think I should be doing. Some days, \u201cproductivity\u201d for me is getting a thing done that is otherwise not accepted by the majority as productive, in the capitalist sense\u2014getting enough rest, or exercising. One day, simply <\/span>staying awake<\/span><\/i> without relying on caffeine might be my goal for the day. At my last full-time job, an entry-level state government position, there was seemingly endless administrative stuff that I <\/span>had to<\/span><\/i> get done since the unit was understaffed the entire time I worked there. It was not unusual for me to come home from work completely drained of energy. Most weekdays, I would come home from work, eat dinner with my partner, Liam, around 6 PM, watch one or two episodes of a TV show, and then pass out in bed before 10 PM. I did not have time to work on any side hustles or dream projects.<\/span><\/p>\n

It took me almost a year to make the switch to freelancing after I left my last full-time job at the end of 2015. I am not as physically impacted by working as I used to be and that is in large part because Liam, who makes several times what I do in terms of money, supports both of us financially.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I have physical limitations that make freelancing–even with its terrible pay, constant rejection, and inconsistent work schedule–a better vocational option for me than working full time in an office. I can get things done during the week, but the shape that the whole \u201cgetting things done\u201d part takes is different than that of a nondisabled person.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Most days, I can deal with the pain on an emotional and psychological level. When the pain confines me to bed or relegates me to otherwise not doing much, however, my brain starts up again with the \u201cbut why can\u2019t you <\/span>just<\/span><\/i>\u2026\u201d chatter. <\/span>I should be doing more<\/span><\/i> is one toxic thought that occupies my brain-space on those days\u2014usually when I\u2019m in so much pain that sitting up for more than a few minutes at a time is excruciating.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The frustrating part about productivity hacks is that for abled people, they are a cool way to do stuff and save time and <\/span>be more productive<\/span><\/i>. For those of us who have chronic pain and fatigue, deal with mental illness, are disabled, or are neurodiverse, a productivity hack can mean something very different.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

On my extremely high pain days, \u201cproductivity\u201d has a different definition. Is finding a way to lie down without making my pain worse\u2014and so that I can still watch TV or read, to focus on something other than my pain\u2014<\/span>productive<\/span><\/i>? Is finding a way to get most of my nutritional needs met on a day that I can\u2019t eat more than one meal <\/span>productive<\/span><\/i>?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sidestepping questions about <\/span>the controversial status of fibromyalgia<\/span><\/a> in the public imagination as a legitimate health condition, I can tell you this: it hurts.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Even <\/span>admitting<\/span><\/i> all of this is fraught, as the publishing industry is not exactly welcoming to people with disabilities. Someone who reads this may wonder<\/span>, Well, if they want to write for a living, can they physically handle deadlines? <\/span><\/i>(Speaking from experience: yes, but sometimes with an extension!) <\/span>\u00a0A book tour? Publicity or interviews?<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For those last two, here\u2019s the thing: I don\u2019t know.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The standard end goal of improving one\u2019s own productivity\u2014to really <\/span>make the best<\/span><\/i> of the 24 hours in each day–is to make oneself a better worker. For those of us who have bodies that do not, or cannot, conform to the expected 40-hour work week: what then?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I sometimes wonder whether I am too unproductive to be a \u201creal\u201d writer. Am I still a writer if I don\u2019t write every weekday? What if I write stuff that is just good sometimes, instead of great?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are also times when the words just don\u2019t come\u2014again, usually when I\u2019m in pain\u2014and I spend way too much time staring at a blank page in Microsoft Word, and then start to feel weird about it, and then feel discouraged. Part of me feels that I should be writing a certain number of words <\/span>every day<\/span><\/i>, even if the quality of said writing on some days is below average.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A lot of us know someone who has their fingers in a ton of different pies\u2014they have several writing gigs <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> a podcast <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> a YouTube channel <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> are considering streaming stuff on Twitch. On one hand, that is how being a content creator works now: you need to do multiple things to feed the algorithmic monster.\u00a0 I don\u2019t often admit this because it sucks, but I feel envious of people who can do multiple things at once and have a <\/span>career<\/span><\/i>, instead of whatever it is that I am trying to accomplish.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I often feel like I <\/span>should<\/span><\/i> be one of those people with a podcast <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> a blog <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> a column for some website <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> a bunch of other projects, because then I could be <\/span>successful<\/span><\/i>, right? But, no\u2014my pain restricts me to the point where I can only work on two or three things at a time, and certainly not for 40 hours a week. If I work over my allotted number of projects, I start to feel overextended and (more) exhausted which can increase my pain level. Currently, I am able to write one unpaid feature per month for my <\/span>newsletter<\/span><\/a>, take on one or two freelance projects per month (a crapshoot, given the <\/span>state of the media industry<\/span><\/a>), and make short comedy reels for <\/span>my Instagram<\/span><\/a>. I\u2019d love to occasionally go to comedy open mic nights to try performing stand-up, but it\u2019s been hard to add that to my schedule\u2014even irregularly\u2014because my pain\/fatigue can get worse with absolutely no warning.<\/span><\/p>\n

Time is a weird thing when you are chronically ill or disabled. It is hard for me to estimate how many good pain days I experience, particularly in comparison to the bad ones. My good days sometimes feel eclipsed by the bad ones and that\u2019s mostly because the bad days tend to be mind-bogglingly awful.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

On my good (low pain\/fatigue) days, I can write anywhere from 1000-1,500 words in a few hours and this material will usually be pretty solid\u2014maybe not <\/span>great<\/span><\/i>, but good. That is to say, it\u2019s not shit. If I have a deadline, \u201cgood enough\u201d is fine. It has to be, especially when I have other things on the neverending to-do list to complete. On good days, I can write sitting up for at least a couple of hours. If I\u2019m having a great day, I can write most of an essay draft in one sitting. Those days are rarer, and they pass by quickly.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bad pain and\/or fatigue days are something else entirely. Time on these days tends to stretch and blop and curl up like the world\u2019s shittiest lava lamp. I can sleep for ten hours and it will feel like 30 minutes; that, or the pain will keep me restless all day, or awake all night. When I finally rouse myself from bed, it will feel like I\u2019ve been awake for a week. Or I\u2019ll have a bout of insomnia, stay up most of the night, and then be able to function somewhat the next day (albeit with assistance from caffeinated tea).<\/span><\/p>\n

I have lost entire months to pain. Remembering these months, or even a handful of my bad pain days\u2014especially when they come in a row\u2014is difficult. The memories are fuzzy, almost like there\u2019s Vaseline on the lens of my brain; what did I <\/span>do<\/span><\/i> on those days? How bad was my pain level on those days? Did I sleep through them? What did I actually do for the eight-plus hours that I was awake? Was I <\/span>productive<\/span><\/i>?<\/span><\/p>\n

And the question that haunts me: why didn\u2019t I just <\/span>do something, anything<\/span><\/i>? Create <\/span>something\u2014<\/span><\/i>write something, draw something–on those days, as a <\/span>distraction<\/span><\/i>, as a <\/span>fuck-you<\/span><\/i> to the pain and fatigue? That\u2019s what a successful, <\/span>productive<\/span><\/i> creative person would do, right?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s an easy-sounding solution that is not possible on my bad pain or fatigue days. This should not make me feel as self-conscious as it does. But when you get headaches that make you feel like someone\u2019s glued a 50-pound boulder to your head and unleashed a hive of wasps inside your neck, or have leg pain so severe that you have to be horizontal for many hours of the day, or have pain <\/span>everywhere<\/span><\/i> that is just as severe, doing \u201csomething productive\u201d as a middle finger to the pain becomes\u2014and feels–impossible. My 24 hours might be spent in bed, or in pain.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In a perceptive <\/span>2022 piece for Cosmopolitan<\/span><\/a>, writer Alice Snape contends that the oversimplified \u201cwe all have the same 24 hours\u201d pearl of wisdom<\/span> likely started with a meme about Beyonce<\/span><\/a>. I love Beyonce\u2019s music too, but she and I do not have the \u201csame 24 hours\u201d in a day. Beyonce does not have a day every 2-3 weeks where she needs to sleep 15 hours due to a chronic fatigue flare. Beyonce probably does not take the nine medications that I have to take\u2014yes, daily–just to be functional at a bare minimum level.\u00a0 She and Jay-Z are both able to work to support their family. I am going to make an educated guess that Beyonce has a personal chef to cook meals for her and her family. I\u2019ve had countless meals consisting of a bowl of cereal plus a piece of fruit, raw veggies and hummus, or frozen vegan taquitos when I\u2019ve been in too much pain to cook. Girl dinner? Try <\/span>nonbinary chronic illness dinner<\/span><\/i>: sometimes, preparing a bowl of yogurt with a few toppings is all I can handle without sinking into fatigue or pain further.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The expectation that people of all abilities should strive to be <\/span>more productive<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>make the most <\/span><\/i>of those same 24 hours \u201cthat we all have\u201d is, at its core, capitalist nonsense. It is yet another manifestation of unreachable self-improvement in the guise of motivation. After all, why focus on the systemic issues that make those \u201csame 24 hours\u201d <\/span>unmanageable<\/span><\/i> for certain people\u2014lower income people, disabled and chronically ill people, parents, caregivers, those who have multiple jobs, and people who (for whatever reason) cannot get ahead no matter how hard they work at improving their \u201cproductivity\u201d\u2014when you can keep trying to hustle your way out of your circumstances? Just keep working. Don\u2019t question the notion of productivity, or its inherent goodness; what are you, <\/span>lazy<\/span><\/i>? You just need to manage your time better. Look at [celebrity] and how well <\/span>they<\/span><\/i> manage <\/span>their<\/span><\/i> time! If they can do it, <\/span>you can also be a multihyphenate triple threat!<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A dark question skips around my brain on occasion: <\/span>Why not just give up?<\/span><\/i> Stop trying to write or be creative at all when it feels impossible to keep pace with everyone else?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My body sometimes fails me. It\u2019s not because I don\u2019t exercise enough or eat too much processed food or because I don\u2019t <\/span>love it<\/span><\/i> enough \u2014it is because I am disabled by an illness that is still poorly understood by medical science. The pain meds help a lot, and in the last eight years, I\u2019ve been improving slowly. When it comes to having more good or okay days than bad, I still have days where my productivity is, to put it crudely, fucking shit.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Writing, however, does not fail me, even when I can\u2019t do it for a day (or more). I still love writing no matter what it does to me. Even if I\u2019m not productive enough in the eyes of someone who thinks that Kim Kardashian\u2019s extremely ironic \u201c<\/span>get your fucking ass up and work<\/span><\/a>\u201d snipe from 2022 makes a lot of sense, I keep going because I have to. Because I want to. There is a strong possibility that I will never <\/span>ever<\/span><\/i> be productive enough for the LinkedIn bros, the hustle culture success stories, the motivational content creators who go viral and gain millions of followers by telling people that <\/span>they<\/span><\/i> increased <\/span>their own productivity<\/span><\/i> to become more successful\u2014and you can too, by using those same 24 hours <\/span>that we all have<\/span><\/i> more effectively!\u00a0 And by the way, you can learn the secrets of their success by buying their exclusive online course.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Admitting that I might not be able to \u201cmake the most\u201d of my days when pain gets in the way sounds depressing. But it is realistic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

ABOUT<\/strong><\/h3>\n
\"Photo
Photo of Anna, a white nonbinary person with dark blond hair and glasses, smiling while sitting on a couch. They wear a black v-neck t-shirt and a floral print button down shirt.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anna Hamilton (they\/them)<\/strong> is a writer and comedian based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Their work has appeared in the Conversationalist, Welcome to Hell World, and <\/span>many other places around the internet<\/span><\/a>. You can follow them on <\/span>Twitter<\/span><\/a>, <\/span>Bluesky<\/span><\/a>, <\/span>Instagram<\/span><\/a>, or <\/span>subscribe<\/span><\/a> to <\/span>their newsletter<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Support Disability Media and Culture<\/b><\/h3>\n

DONATE<\/b><\/a>\u00a0to the Disability Visibility Project\u00ae<\/b><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No, we don\u2019t all have the same 24 hours in a day: On chronic pain and freelancing in an unreliable body   Anna Hamilton   One of the (supposedly) hot … Continue Reading No, we don\u2019t all have the same 24 hours in a day: On chronic pain and freelancing in an unreliable body<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":507532,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[6701202,1],"tags":[587152738,335421,587152470,106167760,7915,133247,587153281,7383,587153280,587152528,349],"class_list":["post-507533","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-guest-blog-posts","category-uncategorized","tag-capitalism","tag-chronic-illness","tag-chronic-pain","tag-disabled-writers","tag-employment","tag-fibromyalgia","tag-freelancing","tag-pain","tag-productivity","tag-self-employment","tag-writing","post-has-thumbnail"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/Anna-Hamilton.png?fit=1600%2C900&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4H7t1-2821","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/507533","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=507533"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/507533\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/507532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=507533"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=507533"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityvisibilityproject.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=507533"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}